Hermana Jarman Adoption Story


Adoption. The word in and of itself used to be absolutely repulsive to me. In my mind, I saw it as a word that had so much more meaning. Adoption to me meant a mistake, being unwanted and giving up. But this story is how I learned to change my perspective, and see that I was truly none of those things.

There's a bit of a background to this story. It begins with a girl named Karen Smith. Born and raised in the LDS church, with good parents and siblings. She lived in Logan Utah, and had a wonderful life. She was especially close to her older sister Janelle who had married a man named Blaine. She would go to her about everything all growing up. During Karen's senior year, she began making some poor choices, hanging out with the wrong people and shortly before graduation, she found out she was pregnant. What on earth was this girl going to do? She was in no place to raise a kid, but she figured that if she had the support of her family and her boyfriend, all would be well. But things didn't go her way. Her boyfriend left as soon as she told him her news. Her dad said "Karen if you don't give this baby up for adoption, I will never talk to you again." And on the other side her mother was saying, "If you do give this baby up for adoption, I will never talk to you again." It was a lot for an 18 year old girl to take on, but she took it on and on January 4th 1998 she had her baby girl. Mikayla Christine Smith. And boy did she love her. She was ready, as ready as anyone could be, to raise her daughter by herself with the little support that she had. A week came and went and Karen came to the realization that this was not something she could do. She called her sister Janelle up and said, "Help. Please, I cannot do this, and this baby deserves so much more. Adopt her for me." Janelle wanted nothing more than to help her little sister, but she also knew that there was no way she could adopt her sisters child. Janelle went to Blaine, her husband, looking for ideas on what they could do. Blaine had a brother who had adopted a little boy 3 years earlier, and he said, "Well why don't we call Glade and Becky and see what they think?" So they made the phone call to Glade and Rebecca Jarman and that is where the beginning really starts. 

It was a Sunday afternoon. Mom had just laid down for a nap with my older brother Ben. He was barley 3 years old. Dad was in the other room with Kyle when the phone rang. I don't think anything could really have prepared my dad for the news that he heard in that phone call. In three rings, his life, my life and our whole families lives changed forever. He went in, sat down on the edge of the bed and woke my mom up. "Hey so what do you think of adopting a little girl?" he asked. Mom obviously thought it was a good idea, because within hours they were packing bags to drive up to Utah to come and get me.  And that's when I became Emily Elizabeth Jarman.

Growing up, I can't remember a time not knowing I was adopted. There was never a distinct moment when my parents sat me down to tell me. It was always something we were open about and talked about from the time I was really little. I do however remember all the hard things that came about from being adopted. Being little, it never really affected me. I knew I had a mom. I knew I had a dad. I knew I had two older brothers, and I knew how I had come into their lives. And I thought I was cool because of it. But as I got older, it got a little harder. 

In 6th grade, a boy told me I was a failed abortion. I had no idea what that meant, and I asked my parents. Mom went into mama bear mode, and when I realized what it meant, my whole view of adoption changed. Before I thought it was so cool and that I was the luckiest kid ever. But then I realized that there was a side of adoption that meant I wasn't wanted. This side came out that made me see that I had become more of a burden to a woman than a help. I would look at my friends who looked like their parents, and I wanted nothing more than to be a member of my family, to have come from my mom and dad, not some lady I knew nothing about. I knew that Karen had had two kids after me, and I wondered what made me not good enough. Why would she keep them, but I just couldn't make the cut? 

I hated being adopted. I hated that everyone knew. I hated that people would say "Oh so why didn't your real mom want you?" To me, Glade and Rebecca were my real parents, I was sealed to them. But nobody else could see it, and I wanted them to so badly. I hated Karen for so easily giving me away. And I hated that the way I came into the world was so looked down upon. That I had not been planned like all my other friends. I hated that just the news of my existence had brought so many tears and heartache. 

I remember one day, mom and I had a conversation that forever changed my view of who I was and why I came into the world the way I did. We were in the kitchen. I don't remember what brought it up, but mom told me of the day they got me. I don't know the date, whether it was sunny or raining. But I do know the important details of that day. Mom said there is nothing that can prepare you for a moment when a mother hands you her child. She hands you a baby that she loves with everything she has, and she expects you to love that child, to give them everything you can and to raise them the best you possibly could. Mom told me that they met at her sisters house. Mom, Dad, Kyle, Ben, they were all there, and Karen walked in the front door with me in her arms. Karen handed me to my mom with tears, and my mom said its really hard to be happy in the moment. You are filled with so much gratitude but it also hurts because you know this mother is hurting more than any feeling you have ever experienced. My mom held me, her little girl. She handed me to dad, and they just loved me. You could never tell my parents that I'm not theirs. Your child doesn't have to have your blood running through their veins to be YOUR child. What makes a child yours is the love that runs through. And there is so much of that between me and my parents. Then my mom said this, "Emily, I believe God has the most special place in His heart for the women who place their children up for adoption. He knows exactly how it feels to give a child. He gave His son, you don't think He understands their pain? If there is anyone who knows what it is like, it is Him." And in that moment, how could I hate Karen? 

I learned a lot about adoption that day, and a lot about it in the years that followed. I always hated the term "given up for adoption." The words give up and adoption just don't go together. There is a whole lot of give in adoption, but no giving up. You have the birth mother who gives her child a better life, a better home, parents who love. And then you have the parents who do the adopting and all that they give. They are the champions in my eyes. They welcome a child into their lives and they love them as their very own. They give everything and more to create a wonderful life for their child. 

I learned that it wasn't just hard for Karen, and it wasn't just hard for me. My wonderful mother, my goodness what a champion she is. I cannot imagine the pain she went through all the years she wanted a baby so badly. All the false pregnancy tests, all the sad nights, all the times she felt like something was wrong with her, when really there wasn't. She is hands down the strongest women I have ever known. She had such patience when she was the women who raised me, loved me, and I just wanted to talk about Karen and know more about her. She handled everything that came with adoption with such grace. The snotty comments that people throw at you, she just shrugged off. She knew that Emily Elizabeth was hers, whether she had carried me in her tummy for 9 months or not. God knew from the beginning that I was meant to be hers, it was just a matter of time, and getting me to her.

I learned that adoption is also one of the most wonderful things to ever exist. Without it, I would not be who I am today. I would not have the gospel in my life, I  wouldn't have two parents who love me. I wouldn't have two older siblings. I wouldn't be here in Spain serving my mission. I don't know where I'd be. 

I learned that you don't have to be blood to be loved. You don't have to have the same color eyes or the Jarman nose to be family. My mom didn't have to carry me for 9 months for me to be her daughter. I don't have to have the same eyes as my dad for him to be my dad. 

I learned about adoption. The word in and of itself is absolutely beautiful to me. In my mind, I see it as a word that has so much more meaning. Adoption to me means Christlike love, being wanted more than I could ever imagine and never giving up. This story is my perspective on adoption and seeing that I am a part of all those wonderful things.

Transfer 6 Week 5
Leganes

Hello!!!

Okay. So this week was good, but we got really sick. Double Bearded Dragons... We all ate with a member; Us and the Elders. So we got to this guys house. An actual house house. So it was super cool, but this guy is super Spanish, so they fed us a Mayonnaise salad, which is like potato salad but with even amounts of mayonnaise and potato. So we got that, fried chicken, bread, and Jam. So Im pretty sure that we got either really bad food poisoning, or the flu. We were out of commission from Thursday night until Monday. It has been rough. 

MARTES:

So we went and saw the tenorios, who are this awesome family in the ward. So we shared the family plan with them, and got them pumped up about serving and sharing their testimonies with others. Then we went with the elders to This old Spaniards house and ate, and contracted the swine flu. Then we got back late because this guy lives out in the middle of nowhere. Literally his metro stop is called Sector 3 in Getafe. So he took us home in his car, which was nice. It was weird to be in a car. Its been too long. 

MIERCOLES:

So we started off the day with this amazing district meeting. We all had a topic to study, and then we gave little talks about how to become more consecrated. It was cool. So after getting pumped, we went and visited this newish family in the ward. They were a little bit less active but are coming back. They are super cool. We shared our family plan with them too. Then after that lesson, we ran to villaverde alto, and met the elders. We get there, and they are super sick. They were both pale, and shacking, and sweaty. So we took the papers that we needed and met with bishop and presented the family plan to him as well. It was super successful, and he loved it. 

JUEVES:

To start out the day, we ran and caught the train, and then the bus all the way to pavones. We had a training meeting about 12 weeks, and how the principles learned in it could be the base of your whole mission. It was cool. I learned a ton. We also had interviews with president which is always the best. It always relives me, and gives me animo. Then after the meeting, I was dragging. Dragging hardcore. So we went home and did the rest of our studies, and then i went to bed. Then hna jarman and myself, woke up and watched the best 2 years. I love that movie. It is so true, and we decided that I am rogers, and she is calhoun. 

VIERNES-DOMINGO:

Sick, Sick, Sick... 7 rolls of toilet paper, and 5 more reruns of the best 2 years later. No much to tell you, but i lost like 3 pounds so.. Not complaining. 

LUNES:

We hung out with the whole district today, and went to Parque polvoranca. It was way fun. We played frisbee, volleyball, and had a picnic. I got sunburned, like always, but it is gunna turn into tan. Our health kick (Lifestyle change) started today. Aka " Contract skinny." I'm Starting my 8 months to sexy right now. 

Well. I love the gospel. I know that i have a Savior who suffered for me. For my weaknesses, my sins, my pains, and afflictions. I know that he did that for y'all too. I love you all, and really appreciate your support and emails! Thanks for all that y'all do. 

Birthday Wishes to Mom


Hey so, we just went to Toledo which was super cool. I took some pics, but not too many...  I hope you know that I love you so much and I want to wish you a happy Birthday! What are your plans? You have to tell me what Adam and JO got You!  Your awesome and I think about you all the time. My whole district knows you guys, Adam and Christi!   I should send the package to you guys here pretty quick, hopefully next week. Love you a ton!

Transfer 6 Week 4
Leganes Spain


Hola! 

Okay, so I have another joke....This one is really funny.

Okay, so there is this guy. He is a good looking guy, he's got a good job, and is in a good position in his life. He has been dating this girl. She is way out of his league. She is beautiful, smart, and successful. Clearly he knows that he has scored, so he wants to lock her down. He decides that he is ready yet get married, and so he goes to Tiffany and picks out the ring. He plans the whole night out. The start with a long walk on the beach. Then they finally make it to the pier. Then walk all the way down, and look at the sunset for a little bit. The slight crashing of the waves, and breeze brushing their hair makes the moment perfect. He gets down on one knee, while she was still turned around. He puts the ring out, and gets it ready. For a split second, he gets distracted, and the ring falls from his hands, inbetween the Crack and into the waves. Heart broken and frustrated he gets up. She didn't see. So he decided to go to this restaurant on the beach. The both order, he gets the Mahi Mahi, and she gets the pasta special with clams. As she starts to eat, she opens up a clam... Guess what was in it?      

The Donut! 

So this week has been really great! We had lots of lessons, and ate with lots of people. So last week our elders and us made a "Family Plan." So it is basically a plan to help the families you single members  set goals to become more self reliant, physically and spiritually; serve others, invite others to activities, and to share something with them, like a testimony or a book of mormon. So we started that plan, and included the ward mission plan, a calender of activities, and a letter to all of them. So this week we have introduced it to all of the leaders and their families. So it has gone really well, and we will hopefully see many fruits in the future. 

MIERCOLES:

So we went to the temple, which was a,axing as always. I'll tell you, going to the temple while being on a mission is the coolest thing ever. So the temple is about an hour and 15 minutes from where we live so we had to get up really early but it was worth it. After the temple, as a zone we went to the pit, which is the big futbol cancha that we used to play at in the MTC. So we played futbol for like 3 hours, and I got super sunburned and tired... Then we went to the Capilla en pavaones and wrote, and then we were invited to eat with some members how were staying in the temple rooms, who were visiting from the south of Spain and Portugal. So the made us some spaghetti, and then we left and went to the Piso. 

JUEVES:

So on Thursday we had a big ward activity in Parque Polvoranca which is this big park right outside of Leganès. So we took a train, and then got off and walked for like 45 minutes until we finally got there. We got lost, because of bad directions so.. But it was super fun. The members fed us, and we played volleyball, and futbol, and fed the ducks and fish. So after that we left, and did studies, then we had a lesson with a members named Isabel. 

VIERNES:

Well I woke up looking  like a lobster because of the sheer amount sunburn. My legs face and arms were crispy.. but it wasn't a big deal because we did it weekly planning, so we did in the have to leave in the morning. When weekly planning finished we went to teach Rosie, who is our progressing investigator. She is spanish and just the sweetest person you'll ever meet. So we had a great lesson with her, and she will be baptized next transfer.  Then we had english class, and then we went with the elders to getafe, and I sang and played the guitar while they stopped people and talked to them, and handed out lots of Book or Mormons and pamphlets. It was super fun and super successful. HNA Jarman made this one man cry. Juan Luis was his name.

SABADO:

Well we wn r and played futbol, but we went to a diffrent cancha (field but concrete), and there were to Many players so Elder stout, HNA Jarman and I played parcheese, which is the game "Sorry." HNA Jarman destroyed us, and then we played again, and she won again. Then we went and did our studies and then we went to San Cristòbal, which is the "Ghetto" part of our area.  They just think is ghetto because then haven't been to Houston (#5th ward)... Come on. So we went and visited with Elsi, who is just the sweetest little Ecuadorian lady you'll ever meet. We shared the family plan with her, and it went swimmingly. Then by the time we got back, it was already time to go home.. 

DOMINGO:

Well we had church. So the night before, HNA Jarman go a call from the bishops counselor, asking her to speak in sacrament meeting the next day..  So she said yes, and prepared her talk and gave it! It was super awesome and about the atonement. Then I guess they didn't have anyone else to talk so the bishops counselor got up during HNA Jarman talk and asked elder stout to speak after her. A little short notice. Then after church we did studies, atonement D G made some bomb eggs with veg? Does that rhyme? Then we went to getafe and went singing again, and it was super cool because like 3 or 4 people came up to me and started talking to me about why we where there, and what we did, and everything. And then I found some super cool Nigerians and gave then B

Book of Mormons. It was the best!

LUNES:

Now we're on our way to Toledo! I'm finally going, so I will probably buy a t-shirt or a Fanny pack or something! Also fun fact: Toledo has this river running around that is the perfect temperature to temper swords. So this is to help only place in to hehe world where you can get a real, legit, sword. So all of the swords from movies like Lord of the Rings, etc are from Toledo. Anyhow I will send pics and stuff. 

P.S....  If you didn't get the joke, got to last week's email...hahaha

Love Y'all! 

Transfer 6 week 3
Leganes

Hola!!

Well this week was really good. To be honest this has been such a long, crazy week that I really don't remeber much. But, I do remember that we had Zone conference. It was awesome, and we learned a ton about how to talk to people in a more natural, not so awkward way.. So that was good. Then on the way back, we all took the bus and sang with elder holt at the ukelele.. It was way fun. Then we didn't have our p-day on monday like last time so we just worked. Then we had an amzing distirct meeting about how to know if you are a successful missionary. I learned a ton.

So this week because my email is kind of lame, and undetailed I thought  I would tell you a joke... 

Okay so imagine a Donut.. He is glazed and is named kevin. So kevin is working and working because he is saving up to go on vacation during spring break. So he saves and saves and saves until finally he has engough to buy his ticket to go on a cruise. Royal Carribean, because he has good taste. So the first few days he enjoys the buffets, the dancing, the bingo until finally one night after returning back to his room he starts to think. He feels the need to drive the boat... He's not sure way, only that he needs to do it. So the next morning after hitting up the buffet, he goes to tsee the captain. Kevin with unwavering bravery asks the captain perission to take the wheel. The captain quickly shuts him down telling him that because he is a donut, he cant. He doesn't have any arms.. So heart broken kevin returns early to his room, and sulks. But again, with even more courage returns to the captian the next day. This time pleading for just one chace to drive the boat, for 5 minute. The captain, visibly heated tells him no once agin and says that if he comes back he will call security, and will be thrown overboard.. Fearlessly, kevin promises to retun the next day.. He wakes u early in the morning and eats a hardy breakfast and the starts toward the captains room. He knocks and the captain opens. Kevin asks one last time, desperatey begging to jus drive the ship. The captain denys him, cals security, and kevin is thrown overboard...

Funny right?

Any how.. I love you guys a ton, and hope that you have a great week.. Chao

Transfer 6 Week 2
Hermana Jarman comp

No group email this week..